


broken glass

by Stjosten



Series: Relinquo [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Aaron is a skater boy, Alcohol, Andrew has a lot of feelings, Arospec character, Drug Mentions, Falling In Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neil is just a ball of chaotic energy, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, They're just two boys in love, Urban Exploration, abandoned buildings as a metaphor for the self, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24256525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stjosten/pseuds/Stjosten
Summary: Andrew is an urban explorer that likes to take photos of abandoned buildings and Neil just so happens to look good surrounded by decay.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Relinquo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824970
Comments: 60
Kudos: 444





	broken glass

When Andrew was 13 he ran away from his foster home and found himself in the large abandoned factory on the other side of town. He spent half of that day exploring the expansive space, large and cavernous and barely alive around him. Every footstep he took across the old concrete echoed up into the high rafters of the ceiling and then back down again, surrounding him in an orchestra of tapping and squeaking from his old hand-me down sneakers. 

It smelt like mildew and grime and the floor was wet from leaks in the roof and ceiling. He had wandered until his feet were sore, he had walked until his knees popped and groaned, and he only stopped when he felt something deep inside the hollow space in his chest settle into a low thrum rather than a continuous gregorian chant. 

He fell in love with that place as one would fall in love with a meadow of wild flowers. 

Half a day had never felt like enough time to spend in the dark decaying space, where the walls whispered impossible promises in his ears and the windows creaked with every gust of wind. He tripped on the way out of the crumbled back wall, a hole that was just the right size for him to squeeze through, and twisted his ankle so badly that he had to limp the entire 45 minute walk back to the foster home. 

The family hadn’t even noticed he had left. 

Now, Andrew found that there was nothing more beautiful and daunting than standing in an abandoned piece of architecture, no matter how large or small. He shared something with those spaces, a deep rooted understanding that he would never be able to express with words. They were abandoned just as he had been abandoned. The walls would whisper in a language that only Andrew could understand, whispering things that only Andrew could appreciate. A silent show of belonging, one that he had searched for more times than he would ever wish to admit. 

He only truly existed in these places. A forgotten figment of someone’s imagination, a place that was built and loved and kept and then abandoned when it became too much. 

Andrew was not a forgotten building but sometimes it was difficult to tell the difference between himself and a concrete graveyard. 

Andrew was no longer 13. He was older now and had a better grasp on reality than he did when he was trying to escape the unjust foster homes that he had been thrown into. He had a real life now. A brother that smoked a lot of weed and dedicated half of his life to skateboarding and the other half to pretending that he wasn’t absolutely in love with the girl that lived one floor down from them. A cousin that took it upon himself to show up whenever he saw fit and liked to send Andrew pictures of cats and links to videos of people building tiny houses from nothing but cardboard. 

He was an adult now and adults had lives that they lived outside of fantasy worlds where nothing existed but Andrew, abandoned properties, asbestos, and a false sense of belonging. 

Andrew worked at the video store in town, an archaic place that only really survived because it was an important part of the town's history, or so they pretended. He didn’t like movies as much as he liked silent projections of images on the stark white wall in the back of the shop. On completely silent days he would turn on the film reel and project an old black and white movie with nothing but the sound of the projector clicking to serve as a soundtrack for the plot.

On other days he would pull out his laptop and camera and mull through the thousands of collected photographs he had taken. Aaron was better at editing than he was, but he had no patience to sit through and edit photo after photo with only minute differences from one to the other. So Andrew would hunker down on quiet days in the video store and he would pull out any photo that was left untouched and fix it so that he could post it on his completely meaningless instagram account dedicated to his misadventures in urban exploring. 

He wanted a place to collect the best of the best, it wasn’t his fault that over 10,000 people thought it was interesting. 

Outside of the film store he had not much else. Aaron was a permanent fixture, albeit a bit brash and unappreciative, but there all the same. Nicky was consistently inconsistent, which was more than enough for Andrew to handle. 

On days off, when the real world melted into nothing but candlewax on the glassy covers of Andrew’s life, he would grab his camera, shove Aaron into the passenger seat of his car, and drive to the closest abandoned building he could find. 

His list of favorites went like this: the indoor abandoned sports complex just two towns over that sat on a service road for the major highway, the old Whitaker mansion in the southern woods that still held every piece of furniture and article of clothing from the previous owners, and the empty bowling alley on the less impressive side of town that the mayor refused to demolish because it had “potential.” 

The last place was his own, one that he shared with no one, not even Aaron, a place that he went to when he wanted to be alone and wanted to be reminded of that factory when he was just 13. A place to hide, a place to feel real, a place to remember that the caverns of his chest weren’t just empty spaces but were dark hallways leading to wide open rooms that echoed. 

It was an old YMCA facility with an abandoned swimming pool that sat empty, surrounded by bleachers with the old tattered flags of past swimming competitions still intact and hanging on the walls. 

He would go and climb into the empty pool and stand at the lowest point and look up. The world was much simpler from that angle. A one narrow view of imposingly tall ceilings that were made even taller when you were 10 feet deep in the floor. 

It was the only place that made him feel as he did when he was 13. Because of that he shared it with no one but himself and the vines that had crept inside through the broken windows.

Andrew was currently sitting in the old video store, working his regular Sunday shift, the easiest shift of the week because _no one_ came into the video store on a Sunday. He was working on his latest set of photographs, an exploration he did with Aaron just last weekend, an old abandoned doll factory upstate that still had intact mannequins littered throughout the dilapidated building. Aaron had mimed some rather inappropriate gestures with the severed mannequin hands and Andrew was considering printing and framing the image he had caught of the act and giving it to Aaron for his birthday. 

He was halfway through the photos when the door opened. He looked toward the door and raised an unimpressed eyebrow as Aaron entered, his phone pressed to his ear and his face stern as he listened to whomever was on the other line. 

“Yeah, I understand,” Aaron said, the door cluttering shut behind him. He walked straight over to the counter where Andrew sat and hoisted himself up to sit cross legged in front of his brother. Andrew gave him a querying look but Aaron ignored him as he continued his conversation. 

“I know,” Aaron said exasperated, “Listen. I know what you’re trying to do, okay? It isn’t going to work. Andrew isn’t into that sort of scene anymore.” 

Now Andrew was interested. He tilted his head in a clear question. Aaron took the phone from his face and held it behind him as he whispered, “Kevin Day.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and held his hand out for the phone.

“Bad idea,” Aaron replied. 

“Just give me the phone,” Andrew shot back. 

Aaron huffed and brought his phone back around and handed it off to Andrew. Aaron leaned forward in clear interest as Andrew placed the phone to his ear, Kevin was mid rant about something or other that was meant for Aaron’s ears alone.

“What do you want, Day?” Andrew asked, cutting him off.

“Oh,” Kevin’s response came back. There was a strange soft lilting tune playing in the background that Andrew couldn’t quite make out. Everything about Kevin was unreal. He was a history buff with an unmitigated obsession with architecture. He had inserted himself into Andrew’s life rather half-hazardously with little room for Andrew to really _push_ him out.

“I was thinking-” Kevin started and then paused, sounding winded and anxious. 

“Sounds great,” Andrew replied quickly, when Kevin made no move to continue his sentence, “Let me call the papers and let them know that you’ve finally figured out how to form a cohesive thought. Unfortunately, it seems you haven’t been able to string together a cohesive sentence yet. I’m sure no one will notice.” 

Aaron snorted and then quickly covered his mouth with his hand. 

“Andrew,” Kevin said, exasperated, “Why are you such a _dick_?” 

“Did you call Aaron to exchange pleasantries or did you want something?” 

Kevin let out a low groan. A moment passed with nothing but the strange music in the background until suddenly the music was turned off and Kevin’s voice came back, serious and obsessive as ever. 

“We’re having a Urbex party coming up,” Kevin said, “Everyone’s been wondering if the mysterious _RelinquoX_ will show up. I think that it would be a good idea for you to-” 

“Let me stop you there,” Andrew said, and then paused for far too long just to be contradictory. When he was well and sure that Kevin was about to break the silence he said, “No.” 

“I’m serious,” Kevin said, “You can’t just hide in the shadows forever. You have, what 13,143 followers on Instagram now? Why the fuck wouldn’t you use that to your advantage?” 

“To what end?” Andrew asked, clearly annoyed at this point, “It’s almost like you think I give a shit about being known.”

“You know what?” Kevin said, before letting out a huff of annoyed air, “I am not having this same argument with you. If you change your mind the party is going to be at the abandoned sports complex, you know? The one you photograph like your life depends on it? That one. It’s on Saturday. If you can go I would suggest you go.” 

With that Kevin hung up without so much as a goodbye. Andrew pulled the phone away and handed it back to Aaron without sparing it a second glance. 

“I told him,” Aaron said matter-of-fact, “He doesn’t listen.” 

“When has he ever?” 

Andrew closed his laptop and sat back on his stool, his head leaning back so he could look over the familiar popcorn ceiling, the indentations looking like a battleground. 

“Are you going to go?” Aaron asked after a moment. 

Andrew continued to stare at the ceiling. It was rather impressive and he wanted to reach out and scrape the kernels of plaster into his hand. 

“Sure,” He said, surprising himself and Aaron in the process. 

“Wait-” Aaron started, his mouth hanging open, “Seriously?” 

Andrew looked down at his twin, the gray beanie he always wore had curls of blonde hair wrapping around the edges. 

“They’re going to one of my top four places,” Andrew said, “I’m not going to let them destroy it.” 

Aaron’s lips curled into a ghost of a smile, a haunting feature on the mirror reflection of his own face. 

“Sick,” Aaron said. He turned and jumped off the counter, “I’m inviting Nicky.” 

“Don’t do that.” 

Aaron already had his phone out and in his hands, texting away. 

“Too late.” 

Andrew sent him a hard glare and listened as Aaron laughed his way out of the video store. The bell on the door ringing out a sad tune in his wake.

*

There had never been a reason to hide his identity on his instagram account. He had just never bothered to put his name or his face in any of the posts. There was barely any personal information on any of the photos, not even in the description for the account. It simply stated facts. 

_An Account for Urban Explorations in and around the East Coast._

The captions of every photo only shared the name of the building, if there was one, and the town and state where Andrew had located them. 

Nothing else was necessary and Andrew wasn’t big on sharing anyway. 

So there was really no reason to deny who he was when he finally arrived at the Urbex party. A group of East Coast based urban explorers that dedicated their time, energy, and money to doing the one thing that Andrew did in his freetime purely because it felt like freedom. 

They were in it for fame, money, and views while Andrew was in it to settle the constant sensation of falling in the lower half of his body. 

Aaron and Andrew arrived at the indoor sports complex with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a baggie in Aaron’s back pocket. Andrew had warned him off of taking anything from someone he didn’t know, just to be safe, and Aaron had conceded, because he always did, although begrudgingly. Andrew trusted him enough not to make any stupid decisions, so he let Aaron get lost in the sea of people as Andrew set his sights on one of his favorite abandoned buildings. 

The inside of the sports complex would seem unimpressive and a bit boring to the naked eye. A regular person would call it a waste of space, a waste of land, a waste of resources, but Andrew thought it was a cathedral. A holy place surrounded by a thin layer of metal and curved at the roof to cover a full legal size soccer field. There were bleachers on either side of the turf field and there were concession stands at the far end that were now abandoned and empty with only the old ICEE machine left behind. 

It was a catacomb that echoed when empty. Andrew liked to kick the abandoned soccer balls off the metal walls and listen to the reverberated crack it made. 

When full of people, and doused in portable dance lights it was a nightmare. The music echoed impossibly and filled the entire space and caused Andrew’s ears to ring. He looked over the several hundred people, awash in neon colored lights and waving glow sticks like landing signals. It was sad really, but also beautiful in it’s own way. A place that no one wanted, a place that’s main purpose had been taken from it, had now found a new reason to exist. 

Andrew still really hoped they wouldn’t leave it in a worse state than they found it. 

“Andrew!” 

Andrew turned just as Nicky almost barreled straight into him, a smattering of glitter across his cheekbones and eyes wild with joy.

“Nicky,” Andrew acknowledged as he looked over his cousin. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Nicky said, “My heart fell out of my ass when Aaron told me that y’all were going to a party. A _real_ party!” 

“I’ve gone to parties before,” Andrew said blandly, because it was true. He had attended a handful of Urbex parties before. He had actually met Kevin at a party in an abandoned outdoor minigolf range. It had ended with some girl falling into the man-made river at one of the holes and nearly cracking her skull open at the bottom of the pond.

“But still,” Nicky whined, “This is _great_.”

“Nicky, drunk already?” Kevin asked, coming up from behind them. He had a lazy smirk on his face that usually came from enough substances in his system to dull his usual anxious tension. 

“ _So_ drunk,” Nicky confessed, “I feel amazing.” 

“Good for you,” Kevin said not unkindly but with an air that held a little bit of judgement. Which was ironic, considering. 

“I see you decided to join us,” Kevin said, a knowing smirk on his face, “What made you want to attend?” 

“Don’t act so smug, Day,” Andrew replied, “I wanted to make sure they didn’t fuck up the sports complex. You know how much I love astroturf.” 

“Sure, sure,” Kevin said, waving his hand around, “I believe you.” 

Nicky chose that moment to be swept away by a group of strangers all wearing matching glow stick necklaces. Andrew watched him go and wondered if he was going to have to find a way home for Nicky at the end of the night. 

“I have someone I want you to meet,” Kevin said, “A few someones, actually.” 

Andrew let out a low sigh that was completely muted by the noises surrounding them and nodded. Kevin led the way through the crowd and over toward the concession stands. A group of three or four had commandeered one of the empty stalls, passing back and forth a bottle of liquor. 

Andrew recognized one of them immediately. Renee was seated on the counter beside a stranger with a warm smile on her face, her hair now a shockingly bright yellow when it had once been pink. 

“Andrew,” Renee said in greeting as soon as they approached them, “What a surprise.” 

“Renee,” Andrew said, “How’s god?” 

Kevin let out a squawking noise that sounded like a bird being murdered. Andrew ignored him. 

“Very good,” Renee replied without missing a beat, “Have you found any good spots lately?” 

Andrew shrugged and leaned against the counter beside her. The rest of the group seemed more interested in their conversation than the bottle of liquor they seemed to be nursing. They all stopped to watch the strange interaction. Andrew knew what it looked like. Him: piercings and disheveled hair, all black outfit, no redeeming qualities that the eye could see. And then Renee: colorful bright hair, sweet and gentle, a silver cross hanging around her neck. 

Andrew had met Renee where someone like him would meet someone like her. An old abandoned church on the west side of town where they had both accidentally bumped into each other when they went to take photographs. The photos from that trip are the only ones Andrew has ever taken that feature a human being. He kept them off of his instagram and kept them in a folder on his computer titled _Renee_. 

“No,” Andrew lied, because he had found a couple of places out of state that he wanted to visit but didn’t feel like sharing that with the others. Renee seemed to know he was lying, her lips curled and her eyes shined in just a way that told Andrew that she knew more than she was letting on. 

“Too bad.” 

“Who is this?” One of the others asked, pointing towards Andrew, “Aren’t you going to introduce us, Day?” 

“This,” Kevin said, raising his hand to indicate Andrew, “Is RelinquoX”

Andrew wanted to turn around and strangle him. 

The reaction was immediate. 

“Wait, seriously?” 

“No fucking way. You’re basically a legend around here.” 

“You’re so _young_. I thought you would be older.” 

Andrew gave them all an unimpressed look. Only Renee and the fourth remained quiet, a boy who was perched beside Renee and seemed to blend into the shadows until he leaned forward on his hands and looked Andrew over. 

Andrew’s first thought was that his eyes were the color of the indoor swimming pool. His second thought was _interesting._

“Andrew,” Kevin said, he pointed them all out as he said their names, “This is Matt, Dan, Allison, and Neil. I’ve gone out with them a few times. Dan and Matt run the Urban People’s website.” 

“We’re not as popular as you,” Matt said immediately, “I’m honestly honored to be in your presence.” 

Andrew knew about the website only because he used it as a way to look for more abandoned places to go visit. He wasn’t one to look at other people’s photos or their own stories of exploration. The first visit had to be untainted by bias. He looked at as few photos as possible and only really read up on the history when he felt so inclined.

“It is weird,” Allison said, twirling her hair in one hand and holding the bottle of liquor in the other, “We’ve _never_ seen you around. Do you go to any of the parties?” 

“Not anymore,” Kevin said quickly, “He hasn’t been to one in a few months.” 

“I think he can speak for himself, Kev,” Neil said suddenly, he was still leaning forward on the counter and watching Andrew with a gleam of _something_ in his eyes, “You’re doing that thing again.” 

Allison laughed and Kevin looked hurt by the insinuation. 

“What thing?” Kevin asked.

“You’re talking for him,” Neil said, “You do that when you’re really excited.” 

“He’s also supremely sloshed,” Dan said, a humorous gleam in her eyes, “He would chat up a brick wall if we let him.” 

“It happened _once_ ,” Kevin exasperated, “And you’ll never let me forget.” 

“Of course not,” Neil teased, “Why would we?”

“You’re the worst,” Kevin said, “Everything about you is awful.” 

“Thanks,” Neil replied, coy, “I love when you’re mean to me.” 

“Fine,” Kevin said, raising his hands in defeat, “I’m leaving.” 

A chorus of aw’s followed him as he turned and left, almost immediately getting lost in the large crowd behind them.

Andrew considered following him and getting lost in the crowd. He bet that he could leave Aaron to his own devices for another hour before there was any chance of convincing him to leave. It wasn’t that Andrew didn’t enjoy parties like this, there was something sentimental and endearing about filling an abandoned building with the smell of smoke and sex, but there was something about being completely seen by the people in front of him that was leaving him uncomfortable.

“I’m surprised you’re here,” Renee suddenly said, leaning in Andrew’s direction, “Don’t get me wrong. It’s nice to see you out once in a while.” 

“I go out,” he said petulantly. Renee only smiled at him. 

“I mean like out with other people,” she explained, “More than just you, your camera, and an abandoned building.” 

“I take Aaron most of the time,” Andrew said, because it was true. It was rare that Andrew went exploring alone these days, not when Aaron had gained a taste for the adrenaline rush that came with being somewhere you weren’t allowed. It was better than the hard drugs he used to take and Aaron seemed more than content to use it as a substitute for stronger substances, even if he still had a taste for weed.

“That’s nice,” Renee said kindly, “I’m glad you’re not out there alone.” 

Andrew shrugged, but internally he agreed. He only ever let himself go alone to the pool anymore, other places it was substantially safer to go with someone else. He had broken his arm last year after a floor collapsed under him in an impressively decaying old house. Aaron had berated him that it could have been much worse and he would have had no one there to help him. He was right and that was why Andrew rarely went alone anymore. Just to be safe. 

Although it would be quite a fate to die in one of the few places that made Andrew feel at peace. Maybe it would be a suitable end. 

“What about you?” Andrew asked, because it felt like the thing to do, “This isn’t your type of scene.” 

Renee smiled all knowing and spared a passing glance in Allison’s direction. Andrew immediately understood. 

“Got it,” Andrew replied, “Makes sense.” 

Renee laughed but Andrew couldn’t hear it over the sound of music, she still covered her mouth to stop the noise from escaping.

“Actually,” Renee said, “Neil didn’t you let Matt and Dan photograph you in the old Brentwood mansion in Georgia?” 

Neil turned at the sound of his name and scooted closer to Renee and Andrew on the counter top. He stopped when his knee bumped against Renee. 

“Yes,” he said, looking rather proud, his wide blue eyes dancing different colors from the neon lights, “It was really fun, actually. Do you want to see some of the photos?” 

Renee nodded. As Neil shuffled through his phone she shot Andrew a coy look that made Andrew raise his eyebrows in response. If Renee was trying to play matchmaker then she would be very displeased by the results. 

He didn’t have the patience or warewithal for romance. The most he did with an attractive guy was get off and then run in the other direction. And it had been a very long time since he had even done that.

“Here,” Neil said, handing his phone off. Renee took it and leaned in Andrew's direction to show him the images. 

He didn’t like looking at other people’s photos of a place he had never been to, it defeated the entire purpose of discovering the space on his own. But there was vague curiosity sitting in the back of his mind that had him leaning over and taking a peak. 

The first image hit him like a train. The Brentwood mansion was known for its sprawling staircases. The image did not disappoint. 

Neil was perched on the top railing of the front stair well, a large entrance hallway with two curving staircases leading down to the first floor. The light was shining in from the large front windows and washed the staircases and Neil in a white light, bright enough to burn the retinas straight out of your eyes. 

It was breathtaking, really. Which wasn’t a thought that Andrew had often when looking at someone else’s photos, even his own. Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the negative space that surrounded them. Or maybe it was Neil, his bright eyes focused straight on the camera, his face impassive and blank. His hair curling against dark skin.

Andrew wanted to reach through the photograph and push Neil straight back off the railing and away from the fall. He wanted to grab him by the hand and tug him far away from the edge. 

It must have been his protective side that triggered the reaction. Or maybe it was something else entirely. 

“Neil has a tendency to live rather dangerously,” Renee said to Andrew, to Neil she said, “Do you have the photo of you on top of the barn?” 

Neil leaned over and swiped through several images before he stopped. The old decaying barn sat directly in the center of the photo, surrounded by bright blue unclouded skies and dripping red across the entire photograph. At the very top of the roof, the peak of the slanted roof, Neil stood with his hands raised up like the Redeemer Statue. Andrew felt the familiar sensation of falling in his legs, but he didn’t look away. 

“Incredible, right?” Renee asked, nudging Andrew lightly with her elbow, “He manages to get to the spots no one else can reach.” 

“How _did_ you get up there?” Andrew asked, finally giving Neil his full attention. 

There was something surreal about looking at him now. Short and washed in neon lights, hiding in the shadows of the concession stand as if he didn’t really want to be seen in the first place. A stark difference to the image Andrew had just seen of him. Open, inviting, visible. 

“I climbed a very tall, very rickety ladder,” Neil explained, a dangerous smile that said he enjoyed it more than he should have, on his face, “Almost broke my neck getting back down.” 

It was everything Andrew didn’t enjoy about Urbex. Heights, danger, risk. A calculated thing that wasn’t ever really calculated at all when the building was dilapidated enough to collapse at the touch of a feather. That didn’t stop Andrew from wondering what it would be like to take Neil to one of his places just to see what he would do. 

“A lot of risk for one picture,” Andrew commented, “Was it worth it?” 

Neil didn’t look away as he shrugged. His eyes piercing Andrew’s. 

“What do you think?” 

Andrew looked back down at the photo and then up again. An inverted image to the one he had just seen. A boy who wanted to be seen. A boy who wanted to hide. A boy willing to take risks for a single photo. 

“Maybe,” Andrew said. What he didn’t say was that he almost died for something once upon a time and he had nothing to show for it now, sometimes it felt like it hadn’t been worth the risk at all.

Renee handed Neil back his phone and shuffled between them until they both moved away. She jumped off of the counter and turned to them quickly. 

“I’ll be back,” she said, a knowing look on her face that she always gave Andrew, the one he hated but appreciated all the same, “Maybe you two should talk some more about your adventures. I think you’d make a good team.” 

_A team._ Andrew didn’t need a team. He had Aaron, even if he messed up perfectly good photos by making obscene gestures at the camera when Andrew least expected it. 

The mannequin photo was case and point. 

“Maybe,” Neil said, an echo of Andrew. He smirked a dangerous smirk, one that could cut Andrew if he stepped too close, and gave a calm _see you_ to Renee before she left. 

“Don’t be a stranger,” Renee said to Andrew before grabbing her girlfriend’s hand and disappearing into the crowd. 

“Wait!” Dan called after them, “Damnit, Allison took the vodka. Come on, babe let’s go find them.” She grabbed Matt by the hand and gave a wink in Neil’s direction before they both followed after Allison and Renee’s lost forms. 

Andrew turned to find Neil staring at him, his eyes assessing and looking him over with far too much interest. 

_Dangerous._

“Do you smoke?” Neil asked, leaning towards Andrew, his eyes wild with interest.

Andrew didn’t know if he meant cigarettes or weed. The first was a habit he couldn’t shake and the later was something he never touched, not while knowing how it mixed unpleasantly with his medication. 

Neil seemed to catch on. He leaned even closer to say, “Cigarettes.” 

Andrew nodded and Neil smiled once again, a softer affair with less sharp edges and more liquid ease. 

“Come on,” he said, before swinging his legs to the front of the concession stand and hoping off the counter. They made it all of two steps before Andrew realized how thick the crowd had really gotten. They would get lost immediately across the turf if they weren’t careful. 

Neil tapped a finger to Andrew’s hand to get his attention. He looked down to find Neil with his hand out in offering. 

It had been a long time since Andrew had gotten off with another man before. It had been even longer since he had held someone’s hand. 

Andrew took it without hesitating, letting the warm palm of Neil’s hand tether him as they weaved their way through the crowd. There was no way Andrew was going to find Aaron in this chaos. His best bet was to call him until he picked up. 

They found the exit after making their way through the sweaty uncomfortable mess of bodies. Andrew didn’t let go of Neil until they had passed the threshold out to the shockingly colder South Carolina night. 

“Holy crap,” Neil said immediately, raising his hands to wrap around his middle, “I didn’t realize how warm it was in there.” 

“It’s worse during the day,” Andrew said, “It’s a hot box.” 

He lit two cigarettes without asking and handed one off for Neil to take. Neil smiled gratefully. 

“I can’t imagine playing soccer in there,” Neil said, “Why would they even make a place like this down south?” 

“I’m sure they had air conditioning,” Andrew replied, slightly amused. 

Neil caught his teasing tone and rolled his eyes, the smile still plastered on his face. 

“That makes sense,” he conceded, “I’m sure no reasonable person would make someone play in a toaster.” 

Andrew hummed and took a long drag of his cigarette. He watched Neil cup his own without taking a drag, his free hand curling around the lit end as if it was a precious flame. 

“What kind of places do you explore?” Neil asked suddenly, “Dan and Matt are into houses. Renee is into churches. Kevin likes anything built before 1980. Allison doesn’t care, she’ll let anyone photograph her anywhere. So what about you? Are you a mansion person? Old houses? Hospitals? Factories?” 

Andrew raised an unimpressed brow at him. 

“Are you going to keep listing places or should I just tell you?” Andrew asked. 

Neil didn’t even look offended, his smirk widened in amusement. 

“I can keep going,” Neil said, “I know a lot of different types of abandoned places. Oh, I know! Are you more into abandoned theme parks?” 

Andrew huffed out an amused breath before he could stop himself. 

“You talk a lot,” Andrew said.

“Just tell me,” Neil said, leaning in Andrew’s direction, “What type of abandoned property junkie are you?” 

Under the moonlight Neil’s eyes boiled like the deep sea. One wrong step and Andrew would be drowning. 

“Maybe I could just show you,” Andrew immediately went stiff at his own words. He had never offered to take anyone from the Urbex group with him exploring. Not even Kevin, who had practically begged to go on at least one exploration with him. Andrew only took Aaron because Aaron was passive and cooperative. Neil didn’t seem like either of those things. 

“Maybe you should,” Neil said, his smile melting into something warmer and more private, a smile meant just for Andrew, “Are you going to ask me?” 

Andrew took a drag of his cigarette and let the smoke slowly filter out of his lips and towards Neil’s face. He didn’t so much as flinch. 

“What do you want me to ask?” Andrew countered. 

Neil leaned against the metal wall of the sports complex, his body language open and welcoming, his eyes never leaving Andrew’s.

“Ask me to go with you to one of your abandoned places,” Neil replied, “One of your favorites.” 

Andrew considered it. He wondered what Neil would look like sitting on the diving board of his hidden pool. He wondered if he would look like he was floating from below. It was a terrifying thought. That spot was his and no one else’s. He didn’t know why he had even considered sharing that with Neil. Someone he had just met with nothing more than bright eyes and an interest in taking risks. 

Maybe Andrew could stand to learn a thing or two about taking risks. For a man that was terrified of heights, it was an unpleasant sensation to consider. 

“Monday,” Andrew said, against his better judgement, “I’ll show you one of my places.” 

Neil’s eyes warmed substantially, something like a light flush took over his freckled skin. 

“Okay,” He said, “I want to see one of your places.” 

*  
Andrew was afraid of heights. There was no denying it. It was an irrefutable fact about him. If he could never be more than 10 feet above ground he would be a much happier person. It turned out that he didn’t want to be a happier person, and maybe, just maybe he enjoyed the jell-o feeling in his legs when he stood up high and looked down. 

The bowling alley on the outskirts of town was not one of the places that had any significant height for Andrew to fear. What it did have was impressive vaulted ceilings that were littered with lighting features and old General Electric fans. The rafters were littered with old balloons that had been released into the wild during children’s birthday parties. Several from over the years that hadn’t lost their helium yet and still lingered just against the ceiling, brushing freedom but never able to breach the gap. 

He had discovered very early on in his explorations that the same sensation of looking down could be captured and felt when lying down and looking _up_. The higher the ceiling the weaker his legs would feel. It was a startlingly pleasant sensation. Solid ground below him but the phantom fear of falling sat just below the edge. Those were the moments when Andrew felt most alive. 

On Monday in the middle of the day, when most of the town was busy at work, Andrew picked up Neil from his small apartment in the next town and drove them to the abandoned bowling alley.

Neil immediately perked up when he saw where they were headed. 

“This is one of your places?” He asked, “The bowling alley?” 

“I photograph it a lot, don’t I?” Andrew asked, “You’ve seen my photos.” 

Neil gave him a steady look from the passenger seat. “Well, yeah,” Neil said, “You post photos from here all the time.” 

“It’s one of my top four,” Andrew explained, “I photograph it more than most places.” 

“Why?” Neil asked, “What’s so special about the bowling alley?” 

Andrew didn’t reply. He pulled into the parking lot and drove around the building. The back door had a broken lock, a lock that Andrew himself had broken, and was easy to jimmy open with a couple of swift kicks. The town had never put any security measures on the place, it sat open and accessible to the general public to explore, the only thing stopping them was a locked door. Fortunately, a locked door was something Andrew could work around. 

“Is it the sentimentality?” Neil asked, following Andrew out of the car and to the back door, “Did you come here as a kid or something?” 

“No,” Andrew replied immediately, “I grew up in California.” 

Neil hummed and scratched at the side of his chin as he thought. 

Andrew didn’t wait for him to figure it out. He kicked the door and pushed the handle until it opened for him. The back entrance was partially an employee area that included a break room, employee bathroom, and small locker room, the rest of the back led to the pin setter. 

The first time Aaron had come here with Andrew he had skateboarded down the entirety of one of the lanes and then slid into the pinsetter until he fell out the other side. The excited noises he had made almost made Andrew laugh at him. 

Neil didn’t seem interested in the pin setter or the back employee entrance. In fact he seemed more eager to watch Andrew as he looked around, his eyes following Andrew’s eyes wherever they fell. 

“Oh,” Neil said suddenly as they walked through the break room, “Is it the time capsule vibe?” 

“What?” Andrew asked. 

“Do you like places that are just sort of preserved in time?” Neil asked, “You know, perfect time capsules of the time when they were still in use.” 

The majority of the bowling alley was still intact. The only thing that had been cleared out was the food and drinks from behind the concession stand. Everything else was exactly the same. The back office even had all of the old paperwork for the business before it went under in the early 2000’s. Andrew could see why Neil thought that was one of his “things.” 

“No,” Andrew replied shortly, “I don’t seek out time capsules.” Although the Whitaker mansion was one hell of a time capsule and it was one of his favorites. 

Neil huffed in annoyance, “I’ll figure you out, yet.” 

Andrew led Neil out into the main part of the bowling alley. The power was no longer connected but the front windows were unboarded and let in enough light to highlight the alleys in just the right lighting for photographs. It also reflected off of the old conveyor belt ball return system at the front of the lanes and shined a perfect reflection of colors onto the wall and ceiling above. 

“Wow,” Neil said immediately, “This place is old.” 

“They hadn’t updated it since the 70’s,” Andrew explained, he watched Neil walk straight over to one of the alleys and run a curious hand over the ball return, “Probably part of the reason they went under. Didn’t keep up with the bowling alley aesthetic.” 

Neil let out a quiet laugh. “Is there such a thing as a bowling alley aesthetic?” 

Andrew shrugged. 

It was a surreal experience sharing one of his places with someone else. He watched Neil explore the alleys and the empty seating areas. His hands touched anything within touching distance and Andrew made a point to remember to tell him not to touch as much in older houses, especially not at a place like the Whitaker mansion, where everything was covered in a thin layer of black mold. 

_Jesus_ , Andrew stopped himself. He had just openly considered taking Neil to one of his other spots before they had even really explored the first one. 

It felt like sharing a small piece of his soul with a stranger and hoping that they wouldn’t drop it or break it. 

Neil seemed to be conscious of what he had been given. He looked around of his own accord and then his eyes immediately snapped back to Andrew and he waited patiently for further instruction. 

“What is it then?” Neil asked, “Is it the lanes? The seating? The set up? The nostalgia?” 

“Maybe you’re just not looking in the right places,” Andrew replied, “There are a lot of reasons for someone to like certain abandoned places.” 

“Is it the floor?” Neil asked, “I mean this hardwood is _real_ nice.” 

Andrew shook his head and didn’t even bother to stop the slight smile that curved his lips upward. 

“Will you show me?” Neil asked in a more serious tone, “Why do you like this place?” 

Andrew considered it and then wondered if it would be too easy. He knew why he liked it. The curved ceiling, the old fans, the neon lights over the concession stand and shoe stand that didn’t turn on any more. He liked it because when he looked up he felt like he was slipping down the alleys and falling straight into the pinsetter. 

“You’re the one who wanted to figure it out on your own,” Andrew replied, “I’m not going to make it easy for you.” 

Neil hummed and looked around, his eyes never veering upwards. 

_Disappointing._

Neil walked away from the alleys and toward the shoe stand. He slid over the counter instead of walking around and looked over the bowling shoes that had been left behind. 

“What size?” He called over his shoulder. Andrew walked to the front of the counter and took several steps back, pulling his camera up from around his neck. 

“Aren’t you going to guess?” Andrew asked, lining up the shot and focusing. Neil had his back turned to the camera and one of his hands tapped against a set of shoes. Andrew took the shot. The camera clicked. 

Neil turned and looked over his shoulder, an easy smile spreading across his face. 

“I thought you didn’t take pictures of abandoned buildings with people in them?” 

Andrew took another photo and then lowered his camera. 

“Who said that?” 

“You’re Instagram is devoid of any people,” Neil replied, “Even yourself.” 

“I only take photos of things that are imperfect,” Andrew countered. It wasn’t necessarily true. He just didn’t share photos of people. They were for him and no one else. 

“Am I imperfect then?” Neil asked. He leaned forward on the counter, his elbows digging into the linoleum. 

Andrew lifted his camera up one more time and took a third photo of Neil leaning over the edge of the counter, his eyes wide and amused. A look just for Andrew. 

“Maybe,” Andrew replied, “I haven’t figured you out yet.” 

Neil’s smile somehow grew larger.

*  
It was a miracle that the video store was still in business, seeing as there were only ever a handful of customers on any given day and most would peruse without ever buying or renting anything. The owners told Andrew in no uncertain terms that they could have gone under several years ago if they hadn’t registered as a cultural sight with the town. A deal that had given them a big enough tax break that they were able to stay open and employ more than one person to man the store. 

Andrew was one of the two employees. The other was a plucky older woman named Gwen who smoked 120s and wore hand knit sweaters and hats. Andrew rarely saw her but they would cross paths once a month during the regular employee meetings. 

It was a good job. A solid job. A consistent job. It didn’t challenge Andrew in any way but he didn’t want it to. It paid the bills and gave him enough down time to work on other, more important pursuits. 

He was editing the photos from the bowling alley trip with Neil. He hadn’t taken many and the few that he had captured featured Neil as a centerpiece. It was a strange sensation to look them over and know that they were _his_ and no one else’s. 

The front door opened and the bell rang out through the store. Andrew looked up from his laptop and half expected to see Aaron walking in, skateboard under his arm and gray beanie on his head. Which is why he couldn’t stop his eyes slightly widening when he caught sight of Neil. 

“You weren’t kidding,” Neil said as soon as he had crossed the short distance to the counter, “This place is empty.” 

Andrew let out a sigh and pushed his laptop to the side. Neil crossed his arms over the counter and leaned his chin against his forearms, blue eyes shining in the low lighting of the store. 

“No one shops at video stores anymore,” Andrew said, “Not when you can just download anything you want online.” 

Neil hummed. “That makes this place obsolete then, doesn’t it?” Neil asked, his voice light, “Wouldn’t that make you obsolete too?” 

Andrew tilted his head to the side. “As a person? Or-“ 

Neil laughed, a light breathy sound that wasn’t really a laugh at all. 

“As an employee,” Neil clarified.

“Probably,” Andrew replied, “It’s easier that way. Less is expected of me.” 

Neil hummed again. “So what do you do when it’s so quiet?” He asked, nodding towards Andrew’s computer. 

“Edit photos,” Andrew said, “Watch old films.” 

“Really?” Neil asked, he stood up straight and curled his hands around the edge of the counter, “Can we watch something?” 

“Don’t you have a job?” Andrew asked. He didn’t know what Neil wanted from him, really. Showing up to his work, asking Andrew to take him to his favorite abandoned sites. It didn’t make sense.

“I do,” Neil said, “I also don’t work today. So-” He gave Andrew a knowing look, “Movie?” 

Andrew stood from his stool and grabbed the old film projector from the cabinet behind him. There weren’t many film reels in the store but the ones that they did had were entertaining enough, even if the old projector no longer played any sound. 

“Pick one,” Andrew said, gesturing towards the small stack of reels behind him. 

Neil walked around the counter and made his way to the film reels that were placed haphazardly on the shelves behind Andrew. 

When Andrew finished setting up the projector, pointing it to the back white wall as he always did, Neil came over with a film reel in hand. A dusty old gray piece of metal with the words _Return of the Flies_ on the case. 

“Really?” Andrew asked, looking at the casing in Neil’s hand. Neil only smiled at him. 

He set up the reel, grabbed a second stool for Neil to sit on, and turned on the projector. The reel clicked a temporal beat as it whirled to life. Neil pushed his stool closer to Andrew’s and sat down. Their arms were close enough to touch, but they didn’t. The pleasant sensation of body heat was unfamiliar to Andrew but he accepted it for what it was. 

Close but not close enough. 

“Is there no sound?” Neil asked, once the movie started rolling. 

“Nope.” 

Neil gave him a wide grin. “Then I’ll just have to make sound effects won’t I?” 

“You really don’t have to.” 

“Do you want to be the flies?” Neil asked, “All you have to do is make buzzing noises.” 

Andrew let out a long dramatic sigh. He hated the way it made Neil smile wider. 

*

Andrew had already taken Neil to two of his favorite places. The bowling alley and the sports complex. Although the latter had been during a party, Andrew considered that it still counted for something. 

Today they were taking the drive down to the Whitaker mansion. The second highest spot on the list of Andrew’s favorites. Neil was a ball of chaotic energy in the passenger seat of the car, bouncing his legs and asking questions as they drove down the interstate. 

Somehow, without Andrew really knowing why, Neil had inserted himself into Andrew’s very small world. The world that consisted of himself, Aaron, and sometimes Nicky and Kevin. Neil had become a fixture that Andrew couldn’t seem to get rid of. One firm push on Andrew’s back would send him sprawling down into the abyss. 

Aaron had decided not to join them on the excursion, although Andrew had invited him. It seemed that Aaron’s denial for his long term crush on the girl downstairs had started to change into something more real and permanent. Aaron had fallen off of his skateboard outside the apartment building and tore open the skin on his knee. The girl downstairs had just been leaving the building and saw it happen. She had feverishly helped Aaron up, dragged him up to her apartment and cleaned his wound. 

Aaron had come home just after the affair looking shell-shocked and pink faced. 

_”I asked her on a date.”_ He had said before nearly passing out in the front hallway of their apartment. 

While Aaron was out taking their neighbor on a date, Andrew was making the two hour trip down to the Whitaker mansion to give yet another piece of his soul away for Neil to keep. Whether he accepted it and kept it safe was entirely up to Neil. 

The risk was worse than any Andrew had ever taken, but when he turned and watched Neil hold his hand out the open window, catching the wind as it passed, his hair blowing in every direction, Andrew thought maybe it was a risk he was willing to take. 

“So tell me about this place?” Neil asked, once they were off the highway and only a few minutes away from the abandoned mansion, “Why is this one of your favorites?” 

“I thought you enjoyed figuring it out on your own,” Andrew replied, because it felt like too much to give Neil _all_ of the cards in his deck. 

“Yes, I know,” Neil said, sounding a bit disappointed, “You just like to keep me on my toes don’t you?” 

Andrew didn’t deem that with a response. He turned the last corner onto the old dirt road and watched as the mansion came into view. 

It sat on several hundred acres of land, completely overgrown and uncared for. A home that had been abandoned in the middle of the day, glasses of wine and maggot infested food still sitting on plates in the dining room. 

Andrew didn’t particularly fixate on the time capsule effect of the mansion, although it was startlingly untouched, a perfect catacomb of the past. He was more fascinated with the architecture, old French style built in the 1800s. There were two rooms that he gravitated towards. The back parlor that was awash in light from large metal rimmed windows with cavernous curved ceilings that met the corners of the walls with old dark wood. The other was the main living room, a hand painted fresco was left decaying on the ceiling. A large image featuring angels and half naked cherubs with horned pipes in their hands. 

If Neil couldn’t figure out why he liked this place, then he was sure that he could end their little game now before it became too much. 

Andrew parked the car right in front of the sprawling front stairs of the mansion. An empty water feature sat below the front deck, overgrown and full of weeds and vines. Nature taking over the space that humans had left abandoned. 

Neil didn’t speak as he got out of the car and followed Andrew up the front stairs. His eyes flickered from the three story home back to Andrew intermittently, as if he was trying to see the home as Andrew saw it. 

“The front doors unlocked,” Andrew said, “Let yourself in.” 

Neil nodded and went straight to the imposing dark wood doors. He pushed them open and stepped inside, the front entrance was a grand ordeal with a wide sprawling staircase leading to the second floor and an impressive chandelier with all of its crystals still intact. 

“Wow,” Neil breathed out, he looked up in wonder, his eyes shifting over the ceiling before rolling back down to the original hardwood floor. 

“Show me,” Neil said, breathless, his eyes wandering straight back to Andrew, “Show me why you like this place.” 

“Okay,” Andrew said, his voice much softer than he wanted it to be, “Be careful what you touch. Half of the house is covered in black mold.”

Neil nodded in understanding. He let Andrew lead him through the first floor. From the front entrance to the kitchen to the dining room to the parlor. Neil didn’t speak as Andrew had expected him to, he stayed quiet and watchful as if he was being given something so precious that he didn’t dare tarnish it with his words. 

Andrew gave vague stories of the family that used to live in the home. The Whitakers were a family from old money that had built the mansion on the sprawling acres of land after making it big in the lumber industry. It had been passed down from generation to generation until one day the family left and never came back. 

Neil took in every bit of information and nodded only asking questions when he had something he was truly interested in. Andrew watched him interact with the home, watched him look instead of touch, watched him stand in front of the library in the first floor study and look over every single book. 

It didn’t feel like they were just touring the home anymore. It felt like Neil was looking straight into Andrew’s chest and mapping out the dark hallways that tunneled through his entire being. 

When they reached the back parlor, Andrew stopped and waited by the door, letting Neil walk into the room and look his full. When finally, _finally_ he looked upwards, Andrew felt his breath catch. He pulled his camera from around his neck and took a photo. Neil surrounded by decaying walls and furniture that had been weathered by time and mold, his head tilted upwards to the large vaulted ceiling. 

“Is this it?” Neil asked, he turned and watched Andrew lower his camera back around his neck. 

“Is this what?” Andrew asked, just to see if Neil would say it.

“Is this why you like this place?” Neil asked, gesturing up towards the ceiling that felt like it went on forever, “The ceilings?” 

Andrew stayed quiet for a moment, watching and considering how much he was willing to give away. 

He had told himself that he would stop if Neil couldn’t figure it out. But here he was, accepting a piece of Andrew and looking for _more_. As if he would take anything Andrew was willing to give him and accept it. 

“When you look up,” Andrew started, lifting the camera back to his face and snapping another photo of Neil looking at the camera, “It feels like your falling.” 

Neil looked up once again, the column of his neck exposed and mirroring the wooden pillars at the corners of the room. Andrew took another photo.

“Huh,” Neil said softly, as if he had just discovered a great secret, maybe he had, “It does.” 

“There’s one more,” Andrew said, he lowered his camera and lifted his hand out in offering before he could stop himself, “Come.”

Neil looked down from the ceiling and stepped forward, the warm palm of his hand accepting Andrew’s without a second thought. Andrew let their fingers curve together like perfectly fitting puzzle pieces. 

Andrew walked them through the other side of the house, taking Neil straight to the living room with the painted fresco on the ceiling. Neil didn’t let go of his hand as he looked around the room. Andrew propped his camera on the shelf by the door and turned on the timer. They walked to the center of the room and looked up.

“It’s beautiful,” Neil said, looking over the painted fresco that was now decaying and peeling away on the high ceiling. 

The camera clicked behind them. 

“It’s sad isn’t it?” Neil asked, “Someone took the time to build this place. They did it out of love and then they abandoned it. Letting it just wither away. Who knows what this place will look like in a few years. The fresco will probably be completely peeled away.”

“Sometimes people don’t take care of important things,” Andrew replied. He looked away from the ceiling and looked at Neil. The sensation of falling didn’t go away. 

Neil continued to look up at the ceiling, his eyes shining. 

The camera clicked again behind them. 

*  
What shouldn’t have become a routine became a routine. Neil showed up at the video store on his days off. He would pick out a movie from the film reel stack behind the counter and would then proceed to dub over the silent film and the clicking of the projector with sound effects and voices for the movie. Andrew would pretend it annoyed him, but he would always let out a huff of a laugh when Neil did an exaggerated rendition of a woman screaming or a baby crying. 

Before Neil, which was how Andrew was now dictating events in his life before and after Neil, he had never felt inclined to be with someone in this capacity. He had never wanted to hold someone’s hand, or push the hair out of someone’s eyes, or leave a trail of featherlight kisses against someone’s cheekbones. But that was _before Neil_ and Andrew was currently living in the world that had rebuilt itself around Neil’s existence. 

It felt like everything. It felt like nothing. It felt like the factory when he was 13 and the walls whispered in secret languages and the towering walls had cocooned Andrew in a strange blanket of belonging. 

It felt like waking up from a very good dream. It felt like laying in the bottom of the pool and staring up at the vaulted ceiling. It felt like falling. 

Andrew had gotten a message on Instagram about an abandoned hotel up in North Carolina. A large modern piece of architecture that wasn’t normally in Andrew’s realm of exploration. It was only recently abandoned, going on 18 months of being unoccupied, but Neil’s eyes had lit up at the mention of the place, and Andrew was nothing if not a sucker for those blue eyes. 

They both took a weekend off from work. Aaron had packed the cameras and bought a surplus of unhealthy snacks for the ride and the three of them set out to explore the hotel. 

The ride was long but Andrew appreciated it. Especially when Aaron fell asleep in the backseat but Neil stayed awake, whispering stories of his own urban explorations with Dan and Matt. They whispered about everything and nothing in the dark interior of the car, the only other sound was Aaron’s light snoring and the low rumbling of Andrew’s car under their feet.

They arrived at the hotel in the vague cover of late evening. The power was still connected and the entire place was lit up like a Christmas tree, rooms illuminated from the dark parking lot below. They went inside and Andrew went about his usual exploration, this time with Neil following close behind and Aaron hanging back to take photos on his own leisure. 

Andrew allowed himself to take photos of Neil in the hotel, a photo in the middle of a dark red hallway, a photo of Neil in the restaurant, standing atop a table and reaching blindly for the large chandelier, a photo of Neil in one of the empty bedrooms where he confessed to spending far too many nights in motels with his mother when he was a child. Watching Neil explore the hotel was like unraveling a mile long cord of rope. He touched everything he could get his hands on and flopped into one too many of the beds, ignoring Andrew’s protests. 

When they finished their exploration and returned back to the main hallway, Aaron was busy skateboarding across the dark carpet. 

“Do you think they still have running water?” Aaron asked, as soon as Andrew and Neil were within range, “I have to piss.” 

“Does it matter?” Neil asked, “You could just go outside.” 

Aaron stopped his skateboarding and shrugged, “I guess I could.” 

“Hold on,” Neil said, he went to the front desk and slid over the counter. He grabbed one of the keys and in a mock voice of class said, “Your room, good sir.” 

Aaron smirked and held his hand out, prompting Neil to toss the key across the counter towards him. Aaron caught it with practiced ease. 

“It better be a luxury suite,” Aaron said. He picked up his skateboard and walked out. Andrew watched him go before turning back to Neil, who was currently rummaging through the cabinets under the desk. 

“A complimentary towel?” He asked, pulling out a white fluffy towel and slapping it down onto the counter. 

“Great service,” Andrew said, walking over to the desk and looking at the unraveled towel on the counter, “I’m going to leave a good review.” 

“Oo,” Neil sang out, his voice light and teasing, “Be sure to mention me by name. I could use a raise.” 

Andrew let his lips turn upwards and didn’t even try to hide it. There was no use in pretending he didn’t find Neil entertaining anymore. He was a light flickering in the dark tunnels of Andrew’s chest. It was useless to try and blow the candle out. 

Neil jumped back onto the counter and slid forward until his legs hung over the edge, the back of his sneakers tapping against the wooden frame as he kicked back and forth. 

“Is there anything else you need?” Neil asked. Andrew stared at him. Something sat behind the blue oceans of his eyes, something warm and melting and something challenging and confrontational. Andrew took a step forward. 

“This place really is full service isn’t it?” Andrew asked, he had meant to say it in jest, but his voice was low and rumbled deep in his chest. 

“It could be,” Neil replied, he opened his legs and reached out, his hands palm up in between their bodies. A silent offering. “What else do you need?” 

Nothing. He didn’t need anything else but this. 

Andrew stepped into the space between Neil’s legs and slowly, slow enough for Neil to pull away, placed his hands on Neil’s waist. The height difference was exaggerated ten fold from this angle, Neil sitting nearly a full head above Andrew, his face tilted down while Andrew’s tilted up. 

“What do you need?” Neil repeated. He raised his hands slowly and pressed warm open palms to Andrew’s shoulders. 

Andrew didn’t bother responding. 

He leaned forward and kissed Neil. 

It felt like standing at the bottom of the pool and looking up. It felt like laying in the middle of the bowling alley and imagining falling into the pinsetter, it felt like the harsh material of the turf in the sports complex cutting into the back of Andrew’s neck, it felt like the jell-o in his legs when he looked up at the vaulted ceilings in the Whitaker mansion. _It felt. It felt. It felt._

Neil let out a sweet sound of encouragement against Andrew’s lips. His hands finding their way up to Andrew’s jaw and tilting his head up more. Andrew took it as the invitation it was. He let his lips slide open, he let himself explore as he did when he explored the catacombs of every abandoned building he ever entered. Thoroughly and with great feeling. 

Andrew would have never imagined this before Neil. Never wanted to be held, never wanted to be touched. But now, here, in a barely abandoned hotel with nothing but the sound of electricity whirling and Neil’s soft noises and huffs of breath to keep them company, he realized he had been foolish to think that life _before Neil_ would have ever been enough. 

“Ahem.” 

Andrew pulled away from Neil to find Aaron standing just a few feet away, a knowing look on his face and his lips curled upwards. 

“Well,” Aaron said, he was very clearly controlling the urge to laugh, “The water definitely works by the way and I just took a piss in the nicest bathroom I’ve ever been in.” 

Neil snorted out a laugh and leaned forward to smother it in Andrew’s shoulder. 

“Idiot,” Andrew said, but he found himself smiling anyway. 

*

It took Andrew two months to build the courage to take Neil to his spot. The time in between, in between the hotel and now, had been filled with various adventures and explorations and spending far too much time pushing Neil into the soft expanse of his bed and taking him apart in every way he knew how. It was also time for Andrew to press his own boundaries. Letting Neil get him off, letting Neil press warm open mouthed kisses to his neck, letting Neil drive his car, letting Neil look through the hoarded photos on his computer. 

Andrew felt more settled than he ever had. The same feeling he had felt when he explored the old factory when he was just 13. He felt real, he felt seen, he felt appreciated. 

It changed the photos he took. Now they featured more people than ever before and the Neil folder on Andrew’s laptop was overflowing with images of Neil surrounded by different levels of disarray. Photos from an abandoned theme park with Neil sitting in the teacups or carefully walking across the rails of a roller coaster. Photos of Neil in old abandoned houses posed around old abandoned furniture. Photos of _them_ in Andrew’s favorite places, curled around each other in the bowling alley, holding hands in the middle of the Whitaker mansion, sitting on the concessions counter in the sports complex. 

The more time passed the more Andrew realized what he had been given. A chance at a future that involved more than just urban exploration and photos of empty husks. A future that consisted of Neil and an apartment somewhere with plants and maybe a few cats. A future Andrew had never considered a possibility but now more than ever he really wanted. 

It was a warm early fall day when Andrew finally had the courage to bring Neil to the pool. The place that he shared with no one. Something that he was now, against his better judgement, eager and ready to share with someone else. 

Neil was silent the entire ride to the old YMCA facility. It had the same effect as the Whitaker mansion, Neil was aware of what he was being given and he had no intentions of downplaying or taking advantage of it. 

Andrew parked the car and led them into the facility through the side door. He walked Neil through the old equipment rooms, down a set of stairs and finally, _finally_ led him into the emptied pool.

Neil looked around the entire space, taking in the tattered banners and the old lifeguard tower, before his eyes dipped down into the blue, blue walls of the pool, and then up. He always looked up and he always looked up last. He took his time with it. Mapping out the rafters of the ceiling before giving Andrew a lingering look. 

“Will you get on the diving board?” Andrew asked. Neil tilted his head in question but nodded. Andrew didn’t wait to watch him get settled. He climbed down the steps at the shallow end for the pool and walked to the deepest part, just below the diving board. He laid back, the familiar sensation of falling taking over his limbs when he looked up to the ceiling. 

“How do you want me?” Neil called. He tilted his head over the side of the diving board, his hair falling around his eyes. 

Andrew lifted the camera and took the photo. 

The first photo he had ever taken of this place. A photo that featured Neil.

“More to the edge,” Andrew instructed, because he did that sometimes now. Comfortable enough to ask for something from Neil, knowing full well that he was more than willing to give it to him. 

Neil shuffled towards the edge of the diving board, the coarse material creaked as he moved. He curled his fingers along the edge, his legs dangling on either side. He leaned forward and looked down again. 

Andrew took the photo. 

“They’re going to tear this place down,” Andrew said, “I read about it about a month ago.” 

“Really?” Neil asked, he looked up and away from the pool, his face tilted upwards. Andrew took another photo. “This is your favorite place isn’t it? Are you upset they’re going to tear it down?” 

If Andrew had been asked that question several months ago he might have said yes. Or maybe he would have kept the disappointment to himself and silently fumed over the loss of this place. But now? Now he wondered what they could put in its place. Something that people could use, visit, explore, with explicit permission to be here. 

“No,” Andrew said, and it was the truth, “Sometimes things change. Sometimes it’s for the best.”

Neil looked back down towards him and smiled, the smile that melted and dripped warm honey, the smile reserved just for Andrew. 

“Thank you,” Neil said suddenly. Andrew gave him a querying look. “For bringing me here. For sharing this with me.” 

Andrew lowered his camera and stared up at Neil. He was several feet above him, but he had never felt closer. 

“Thank you,” Andrew finally said, “For changing me.” 

Neil’s eyes brightened, his expression softening. An emotion that had never been directed towards Andrew was clear on his face. 

“I would do it all over again,” Neil said, “In any universe.” 

Andrew let out an amused huff of air.

“Come here,” he said, raising a hand up and signaling Neil to climb down into the pool, “Come see what I see.” 

Neil smiled wide and did just that.

**Author's Note:**

> So I started watching a lot of urban exploration videos on YouTube, you know how it is when you’re really, really bored, and this just sort of happened. I have no regrets.
> 
> Relinquo is Latin for abandoned.
> 
> [Check out this amazing fanart by virtus-honos on tumblr](https://virtus-honos.tumblr.com/post/627829443759603713/broken-glass-stjosten-all-for-the-game-nora)!
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://stjosten.tumblr.com).
> 
> Here is a [moodboard](https://stjosten.tumblr.com/post/618481298424610816/broken-glass-andrew-is-an-urban-explorer-that) that I made for this fic.


End file.
